Friendship in Beta

I’ve officially been in Southern California for 19 years in 11 days. (Not that I’m counting or anything.) You’d think that would be enough time to build a solid little village. Your people, your go-to crew, the ones who show up with snacks and mild emotional support.

And yet… here we are.

Some days it’s just the dog and me. And honestly… that’s not the worst thing.

I have one person in my corner who is, if we’re being honest, a little bit obligated to be there. And one other person who is just genuinely solid. The kind of person you don’t question, you just appreciate.

Now, I don’t know if this is a Southern California thing or just an adult life thing. Because in other places I’ve lived, I’ve had friends. Real ones. So naturally, I assumed it would just… happen here too. You know, like a normal human experience. (Whatever normal even means at this point.)

But if I’m being honest, and let’s be real, I usually am, I might also just be feeling a little… emotionally dramatic today. Which is allowed. Growth, but make it moody.

What I don’t understand is why adult friendships feel like trying to assemble IKEA furniture without instructions. When we were younger, it was easy. You made friends in bathrooms at bars. You bonded over Jäger bombs, shared mascara, and life advice from someone you met 12 minutes ago who suddenly knew your entire backstory.

Now? Now we meet people at our kids’ baseball games. We bond over snack schedules and whose child is currently obsessed with garbage trucks. It feels like it should be easier—built-in common ground, right?

And it is… and it isn’t.

Because now we also come with fully formed lives. Opinions. Parenting styles. Boundaries (maybe, hopefully). Baggage. Buttons. Schedules that require at least three calendar invites and a minor miracle to coordinate coffee.

So yeah... maybe it’s not that friendship is harder. Maybe it’s just… more complex. Higher stakes. Less impulsive mascara-sharing, more cautious emotional investing.

Still, I can’t help but think: there should be a slightly easier way to find your people in this phase of life.

Or at the very least… a group chat I didn’t have to initiate.